A broken woman

I'm gazing into the mirror staring at the reflection of my battered face, my left eye cut and bruised after hitting the fireplace, i'm so disgusted and appalled  my boyfriends nothing but a disgrace, Can't believe him showing me his love is kicking me around this place

How does a man build so much venom up inside him,  that he will punch and kick his woman till she's unconscious and not moving, become so insecure always pointing the finger and accusing, telling me I've done things my honest heart don't believe in

The man I thought I knew used to love me for who I am, Never once did he judge me or ever raise his hand, I used to be called his princess now I'm a cunt that he can't stand, I'm building up the courage to leave this evil bastard of a man

Going out drinking with my friends is only a fantasy to me, I'm told I'm not allowed cos of the male attention that I'll recieve, I'm stuck at home washing floors wiping tears on my jumpers sleeve, trapped in a vicious circle that seems to have got the best of me

I've tried to put on weight so it repulses him to come near, he seems to think he can sleep with me after making me feel nothing but fear, I'm a chain smoking nervous wreck waiting for a angel to appear, to take me away from this tragedy I have suffered for years

I also have to think Do I want to be alone, Do I want to bring up 3 kids in an unhappy broken home?, These are the questions I ask myself and the answer is well known, but my heart somehow still loves him no matter how much the abuse has grown

Leaving this house without a fight is never going be easy,
My family and friends are at wits ends trying to save me, yet I seem to push them away as I know that he'll go crazy, I feel wherever I run away to he's always gonna find me

I only have myself to blame for letting him control me with his mind, but he slowly broke me down until myself I couldn't find, he's made me feel I'm worthless and without him I'd be blind,  I wouldn't be able to see the road to the happiness I long to find!!